By Xiyue
One night, Jingru was tidying her room.
“Ring…” The phone rang. She picked it up and heard a somewhat familiar voice, “Hello! This is Wang Wei. Are you at home?”
Wang Wei?! She felt somewhat surprised: I haven’t seen him in years, but why is he calling me?
“Um … yes … What’s up?” She asked in surprise.
“Long time no see. I’d like to take you out for a drive. I’m on my way to your house and I’ll be there soon. Please wait for me at the door.” Wang Wei said.
Hanging up the phone, her heart began to churn and her thoughts suddenly went back to the school days.
Not only was she beautiful but also her grades were always good, so there were many male students going after her at school and Wang Wei was one of them. In order to be with her, he used all sorts of means to get closer to her, such as writing letters and sending gifts to her, doing his utmost to express his love for her. However, she was a well-behaved and sensible girl. She did not want a relationship to distract her and affect her studies, but wanted to live up to her parents’ expectations. So facing Wang Wei’s firm pursuit of her, she adopted an attitude of coldness toward him at all times.
However, Wang Wei didn’t give up because of her cold manner. Instead, he sought after her as firmly as before. Several years passed, and his persistence had been repaid with a little moving in the depths of her heart, but it was merely a moving. Afterward, several girls appeared, and spent much time with Wang Wei. They stuck by him all day long, which made her original quiet heart actually become disturbed. She thought to herself that she could use this situation to her advantage to test Wang Wei for a semester. If he didn’t have feelings for them and still loved her, she would accept him …
“Honk!” The honking of the car interrupted her thoughts. Wang Wei was waiting outside the door.
She got into his car. Faced with the long-forgotten and surprising meeting, they both fell silent.
The car was going aimlessly and the atmosphere was somewhat embarrassing.
After a long time, Wang Wei actively broke the silence in the car, “Um … how … have you been?”
“Not bad. I’ve been very well.” She replied casually.
“Where have you been all these years? I have tried all I can to find you, but I failed, just as if you had disappeared from the world. Not until I saw your phone number from a friend’s phone by accident was I able to call you; otherwise, I really don’t know if I would have ever found you.” While driving the car, Wang Wei turned his face toward her every now and then.
“I haven’t gone anyplace. I was just busy, so I didn’t connect you.” She said calmly.
Wang Wei pulled over and began to speak to her from his heart, a note of sorrow and regret in his deep voice, “Back at school, I had sought after you all the time, for five years. However, during that period of time, you were always very cool with me, and I don’t know how I made it through that difficult time. After you quit school, I enrolled in the military academy, but I thought of you in my heart all the time. After I graduated, I tried to find you everywhere, but I couldn’t ever find you. Because of my family’s pressure, I got married, but the place you hold in my heart is still as before, and it will be the same in the future. When I saw your phone number by accident, there was only one word in my mind, that is “regret.” I regretted not seeing you before I got married …”
Listening to these true feelings, Jingru felt a wave of sorrow in her heart. Looking at Wang Wei now, he has become more mature, and she actually had feelings for him at that moment.
“Alas … those years when I sought after you at school, faced with your coldness, I was very confused. So I chose to wait for your response for one more year, but … you were still you, and I was still me. Could you tell me why you never took notice of me at all? What did you think in your heart? Can you tell me?” Wang Wei asked with some noticeable pain.
Hearing this, she also felt a wave of sorrow and regret. What she felt was sorrow because her heartlessness of the past hurt Wang Wei’s heart, and what she regretted was that, because of her coldness, she missed the chance to be with him. Looking at Wang Wei before her, who still had her in his heart and mind, she thought she was no longer a child, but even now, she still hadn’t found a suitable boyfriend, and many people of her age around her had all gotten married, leaving her alone; how she wished to possess a partner who loved her. So many times, she also imagined the romantic scenes that she and her lover enjoyed together, knowing and accompanying each other. Even once in her dreams, she also dreamed that she and Wang Wei married … Thinking of Wang Wei’s firm pursuit of her in the past again, she regretted not cherishing him. Now he still loved her so much, she really wanted to enter his embrace and nestle against him. But her reason told her: Wang Wei had gotten married. As a Christian, she must not be impulsive, much less speak out her true feelings and regret in her heart. Only conducting herself according to God’s requirement was in line with God’s will. Fighting between feelings and reason made her feel some weakness momentarily.
She forced herself to be unperturbed, as if nothing had happened and then answered Wang Wei composedly, “That year, I wanted to test you one more term. If you still didn’t change your heart toward me, I would consider dating you. However, I also thought of my parents’ expectations of me … Maybe this is fate!”
Jingru suppressed her emotion and spoke out these words rationally, but she felt a heartrending pain in her heart. She thought: If time could reverse, she would have surely made another choice—saying yes to Wang Wei without the least bit of hesitation. If so, today’s situation might not have happened. At this time, her suppressed feelings had reached their zenith, and tears began sliding down from her eyes quietly. She was very worried that she would be figured out by Wang Wei, so she turned her face toward the window. However, Wang Wei still realized she was weeping, so he quickly took out some tissues and offered to wipe her eyes.
She silently cried out to God to protect her within so that she could become strong. She took the tissues and said, “I’ll do it myself.” After she wiped her eyes, Wang Wei suddenly held her hand and drew her to himself, wanting to let her lean on his shoulder. At that time, she was upset and just needed a shoulder to comfort her. Instantly, she was in a trance and wanted to lean on his shoulder, but God’s words of teaching man and warning man occurred in her mind: “As for all people who do evil (those who fornicate, or deal in dirty money, or have unclear boundaries between men and women, or who interrupt or damage My management, or whose spirits are blocked, or who are possessed by the evil spirits, and so on—all except My elect), none of them will be let off, nor any pardoned, but all will be cast down to Hades and perish forever!” She suddenly regained her sober thought. God’s words were judging and blaming her, which allowed her to clearly understand: God is holy and His disposition is unoffendable. If she made a mistake in relations with the opposite sex, then this would be an eternal blemish, would be condemned and despised by God, and even more would be hated and cursed by God. Once she made a step forward towards Wang Wei, she would suffer perdition completely. In the face of the situation before her, she felt afraid and uneasy like never before. She also thought that she not only could not do things that offend God’s disposition, but had to respect Wang Wei’s marriage. He was no longer the one who sought after her at school, but instead, he had family, a wife and child. If she acted out of line at this time, she would destroy his family, and the consequences would be unimaginable.
God’s words of judgment made her begin to feel a bit of reverence for God. She shook off his hand hard and said with slight coldness, “It’s too late. Please take me home!”
“So many years, why do you still reject me so much even now? I just want to comfort you. Can’t I do this?” Wang Wei said crossly.
“You’ve misunderstood me. I’m not rejecting you but respecting you because you are a man of family. You should think about your family.” She replied quietly.
“If I divorced, can you give me a chance? I’m not impetuous.” Wang Wei asked immediately.
These words made her heart disturbed. She didn’t know how to answer, so she prayed to God in her heart silently, “O God, may You protect and strengthen my heart so that I won’t do things that offend Your disposition.” After the prayer, she thought of God’s words: “Their words nourish your heart and captivate you so that you become disoriented and without realizing it, you are sucked in and willing to be of service to them, be their outlet as well as their servant. You have no complaints at all but are willing to be at their disposal—you are deceived by them.” God’s words woke her up. She knew that the fluctuations in her heart were because she was controlled by her evil disposition and these satanic evil viewpoints such as “Love is above all,” “The lovers will finally get married,” “It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all,” and “Love is not a sin,” which are Satan’s trickery and enticement; she must distinguish them. She thought to herself: Wang Wei has gotten married, and this is an established fact. I can’t lose my reason and be deceived by these temporary sweet talks. If I choose any actions or say some words excessively, I will just be deceived by Satan and act as its outlet. And then I will become the third party who shatters his family, which will cause his family to be broken and bring everlasting suffering to his family, and what’s more, I will leave a blemish which can never be rubbed off before God.
Calming herself down, she replied calmly, “Don’t act foolishly! Even if you divorce, we can only be friends. I’ll treat your words as a joke. Please take me home.” Seeing her firm attitude, Wang Wei no longer said any words.
Finally, the car arrived at the door of Jingru’s house. When she prepared to get out of the car, Wang Wei tried to hold her hand again. She speeded up and hurriedly got off the car and then sped back her home. After returning home, she lay on the bed and her heart couldn’t quiet down for a long time. Thinking of what had just passed, she was filled with emotion: Without God’s guidance, facing Wang Wei’s true feelings, caring and comfort, she would have been unable to hold herself and would do ugly things that would lose her morality and destroy others’ family. And what was more serious was that she would sink into the test of relations with the opposite sex, offend God’s disposition, and suffer God’s spurn and curse, leaving an unforgivable transgression. She truly tasted: How important God’s words are, which not only could protect her before the test, but also could point out for her the path of practice so that she could live out normal humanity. Such gain in this experience made her feel steady and joyful, so she couldn’t help but give thanks to God from the bottom of her heart and sighed with emotion: She was so lucky that she could follow God and be kept by Him today. She came before God and offered up a grateful prayer and then fell asleep.
The following days, though Jingru didn’t sink into Satan’s temptation and she also knew Wang Wei and she were absolutely unable to be together, their meeting that night and Wang Wei’s true feelings kept replaying in her mind like a movie …
When Wang Wei called her again, her heart swayed. She said to herself: Though we are unable to be partners, we can still be normal friends. As long as I guard my footsteps and don’t act excessively, it will be OK. Hence, she picked up Wang Wei’s call and chatted with him. In the following days, she also often thought whether Wang Wei would call her again and even in the depths of her heart, she expected he might give her a call. Later, Wang Wei called her continuously and she answered all his calls without hesitant. Gradually, she felt uneasy and painful in her heart. She realized that her choices didn’t accord with God’s will and that her uneasy and painful feelings were just God’s reminders to her. She hurriedly went before God and prayed to Him, “O God, I know I shouldn’t remain connected to Wang Wei, but I can’t control my heart and always accommodate myself involuntarily. O God, I’m unwilling to offend You in this matter. God, may You save me!”
Afterward, she read a passage of God’s word and some words from Sermons and Fellowship on Entry Into Life, from which she found a path of getting rid of this pain.
God’s words say: “All of you live in a place of sin and licentiousness; you are all licentious and sinful people. … As you do not know how to lead a life or how to live.”
It says in Sermons and Fellowship on Entry Into Life: “If you are able to respect marriage, if you are able to love others and respect others, then you will not do things that harm others. If you are able to refuse someone even when they throw themselves into your arms, then you are dealing with things properly. What must you be equipped with to be able to refuse these temptations and seductions? You must be equipped with the truth, then you will be able to see these things very clearly. After you are able to clearly see the substance of this issue, then you will know what kind of harm the actions on your part will bring to others, you will know what kind of injuries others suffer from in their hearts, you will know to what extent you’ve wrecked someone’s personality, and once you understand these things you will no longer act in ways that cause them; whenever these kinds of thoughts and ideas come into your mind you will be able to reject them, you will not be interested in them, you will not pay attention to them, because they will not sway your heart.
“By now, you understand how all people who are trapped by lust finally end up, right? What is the final outcome for most of these people? Do they meet with curses? Are there any good outcomes? They do not attain peace all life long! This is the confusion and trouble to which lust leads; it is unbearable suffering! Of all those people who seek a marriage partner recklessly or abnormally, are there any who have a happy outcome? There are no good final results, and they ultimately meet with curses. That is not a thing to be toyed with.”
After reading these words, she knew that living in this world of evil and filth, if she didn’t guard her heart but followed the desires of the flesh, there is no guarantee that someday she wouldn’t do evil things that offended God and go against morality, and then her heart would have no peace for her entire life. After reflecting on God’s words and these sermons, she realized that it was because she was enticed by these satanic poisons such as “Love is above all,” “The lovers will finally get married,” and “It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all” that she lost the conscience and reason of normal humanity and was not constrained by morality and conscience in the slightest, living in passions and lusts, unable to free herself, and enjoying the pleasures of sin and making light of it. Should this continue, she would be swallowed up and ruined by Satan. She thought: Wang Wei is a married man; though he still has me in his heart, as a Christian, the most important things for me are living out a normal humanity, not doing things which harm others for my own gain and are wicked and also accepting God’s observation in all things. Realizing these are harmful, she came before God, prayed to Him and resolved: “O God! I’m unwilling to continue living in corrupt desires, to remain connected to Wang Wei anymore, living so lowly and being loathed by You for offending Your disposition, much less to shame Your name. May You give me a heart that fears God and eschews evil so that I can uphold the principles of the truth, forsake the flesh, overcome all the tests, be a smart person who sees the evil and hides herself, gain Your care and protection and live out the manner of a true person.”
One day, she met Wang Wei on her way to attend a meeting. Wang Wei called her as he drove his car. She wanted to answer him very much but she immediately thought of God’s word and her prayer before God. She knew she couldn’t go on like this, so she just looked at Wang Wei without saying a word. She continued to go forward with her electric scooter. Wang Wei caught up with her and sounded his horn toward her. She prayed to God silently within and didn’t react, just thinking how to shake off him. At that moment, she just arrived at a crossroad. When she saw Wang Wei’s car taking a turn, she hurriedly sped to the opposite direction …
Later, she met Wang Wei on the street several times. Every time she treated him in this way and God also opened up a way out for her: Either because there were too many acquaintances of Wang Wei on the street, or because the traffic was jammed so solid that he had no chance to get close to her. For the sake of not having any connection with him anymore, she changed her phone number. As time passed, they no longer had any connection …
Thinking back to this experience, Jingru truly tasted: In today’s world of sensual pleasures, if one wants to see through and break away from various temptations and trickery of Satan and not to be fooled and harmed by it, there is only one way, that is, equipping himself with more God’s word and understanding more truth. Thus, on the people, matters and things he encounters, he will have discernment, and only then can he see them clearly, see through them, do things according to principles and not be fooled by Satan and not fall into its traps. She sighed with emotion: Without the salvation of God and the protection of His words, she would have been depraved beyond a likeness of man, and would have been the same as those who have extra-marital affairs or be a mistress, doing the things that lose her integrity and dignity, shouldering the bad name of a bad woman who destroys others’ family, and living lowly. From the bottom of her heart, she sincerely thanked and praised God. It was God’s word that awoke her before she almost fell into sin. Now, in the house of God, she performs her duty happily, accepts the cleansing of God’s word and moves forward toward the true happy life!
All the glory be to God!
