Gao Qian
At nightfall, under the dim light, I was looking at the fallen leaves outside the window with a thread of slight grief welling up in my heart. Thinking that I lacked proficiency at my work, didn’t do things as well as others, and suffered loss of face, I felt I was dwarfed by others, and could not help but be a little depressed: Why do so many unpleasant things appear in my life? Why am not I outstanding in all respects like others? Why don’t others pay attention to me? … When I was full of complaints within, a delicate fragrance floated toward me and interrupted my thoughts. Turning around, I saw the pot of jasmine on the windowsill. If it didn’t emit fragrance, I could hardly pay attention to it. I hadn’t taken good care of that flower, so it lacked nutrition, only bearing two little white flowers. It was hard to believe that these two flowers which were small and unremarkable could emit such fragrance. I couldn’t help walking forth to observe them. I found that these two flowers weren’t big, but their fragrance was so refreshing that I felt a comfort and happiness; they were common, ordinary and unremarkable, but could bring a thread of pleasure to people. Suddenly, I realized that these little flowers live a meaningful life.
Looking at the little flowers, I couldn’t help thinking of God’s words, “While God was speaking, all these things came into being following the thoughts of God, and in an instant, an assortment of delicate little life forms were unsteadily poking their heads up through the soil, and before they had even shaken the bits of dirt from their bodies they were eagerly waving to each other in greeting, nodding and smiling to the world. They thanked the Creator for the life that He bestowed upon them, and announced to the world that they were a part of all things, and that they would each devote their lives to showing forth the authority of the Creator. … This barren world, in which there had not been any trace of life, was rapidly covered by a profusion of grass, herbs and trees and overflowing with greenery…. They were all born, and lived, because of the words of the Creator. They would receive the unceasing provision and nourishment of the Creator, and would always tenaciously survive in every corner of the land in order to show forth the authority and power of the Creator, and they would always show forth the life force bestowed upon them by the Creator …” (“God Himself, the Unique I”).
God’s words gave me a deep feeling. God bestows life on these plants, and they are all demonstrating God’s great power. In addition, they treasure their instincts God has bestowed on them, giving play to their own functions: They add colors to the world for people to enjoy, devoting their life silently and quietly. Though they’ll be withered soon after, they still try their best to give play to their own functions in the limited time, emitting their delicate fragrance and demonstrating God’s authority and power. They thank the Creator for the life that He has bestowed upon them and willingly submit to the order of the Creator. With a thankful heart, they live in happiness, relaxation, freedom and release and haven’t been unworthy of their life bestowed by God. I’m also a creature, but why am I unable to live a relaxed and calm life like these flowers?
Recalling the time when I wrote cases with my two coworkers, they talked about their thinking and opinions, but I sat there and said little. Sometimes, I put forward a piece of advice, but it wasn’t adopted. Then, I felt very uncomfortable, envious and defiant at that moment. And I secretly thought: I can’t fall behind them, otherwise they’ll more look down upon me. However, the more I wanted to express some unique insights in order to be approved, the more I had no thinking, my mind went blank and I had nothing to say. So, my heart became extremely pained. Even more, I wanted to escape that environment and didn’t want to stay there at all. I could not but ask myself: Why am I so sad, painful and always unhappy? I thought of God’s word, “Human beings, dominated by their satanic disposition, harbor a sort of desire, a type of ambition, inside of them. This is hidden within their humanity. They never want to stay on the ground; they keep wanting to go up into the air. Is being in the air a place for a person to stay? Whose place is it to stay? (Satan’s.) That is a place for Satan, not a place for humans. When creating humans, God put them on the ground so that your daily lives could be completely normal and your lifestyles disciplined, and so that you could learn general knowledge about how to be human beings, and learn how to behave, how to live, and how to worship God. God did not give you wings; He did not allow you to stay up in the air. Those with wings are birds, and the ones wandering around in the air are Satan and evil spirits and filthy demons. Those are not human beings! If people keep having such ambitions, always wanting to turn themselves extraordinary and superior, different from others, and special, then that is a problem!” (‘The Five Conditions People Have Before They Enter the Right Track of Believing in God’). The judgment in God’s words made me understand: The reason why I was unhappy and pained was that my ambitions and desires were too strong. In fact, God’s intention of creating us is not to ask us to pursue becoming supermen, great persons or unique men, but to be grounded and forthright in conducting ourselves and doing things, and to be an ordinary and normal man. Though we live a simple life, we can worship God and obey God’s orchestration and arrangement. I reflected on myself: I was unwilling to submit to God’s orchestration and arrangements, living in dependence on Satan’s poisons, such as “ranking higher than others” “rising above others.” I always wanted to be on a higher level, cultivate my own image in other people’s hearts, and let them look up to me, so when I could not be looked up to by others, I would be worried about personal gains and losses and live in agony. Am not I the same as Satan? Satan is unwilling to obey God’s sovereignty and wants to ascend to the highest heights. As a result, it was struck down and into the air by God. I always wanted to rank higher than others, so would I be disgusted by God? How can a man who is disgusted by God obtain God’s blessing or have real joy?
Just then, I remembered a paragraph of words in Sermons and Fellowship on Entry Into Life: “If God lets us be like grass, we should be like grass and not seek to be great trees; if we’re like trees, we shouldn’t seek to become high buildings. Just be ourselves. We should stand correctly in our positions and be honest in seeking truth and fulfilling our duties. Only living in this way is the best and not tiring.” Just then, I had a clear understanding and had a way of practice: Though I’m ordinary, I can try my best to do what I should do, which is the best manner of living. I was no longer depressed, nor did I escape or stay away from this environment, and instead, I was willing to obey the order and arrangement of the Creator, living out the manner of a created being. I couldn’t help praying to God, “Oh, God! I’m willing to straighten out my state of mind, and try my best to do what I should do according to Your words. Whatever You give me is the best. I hope that I can live freely, submit to Your orchestration and arrangement, stand correctly in my position, and manifest and glorify God
