By Xie Wen
I was like a seed that is blown around by the wind. Over those years, I often got sick and my treatment cost lots of money, which put my family in severe economic difficulties. Though my family didn’t blame me, I felt so indebted to them. So, every time when I just got over a sickness, I would try my best to recover the money that had been lost. I believed that a beautiful life could be built with my own hands, and that everything would be readily solved as long as I had money. Come wind, frost, rain or snow, or the heat of summer, I made every effort to work so as to give my family a good life again. As long as I hadn’t fallen ill, I would stick to my work as if I were a machine which kept running day and night. Of course, I was often exhausted, but when it came to money, I had the motivation to struggle on. In order to earn more money and give my family a better life, I devoted myself to work.
After several years of struggling, I got the desired life and my family became prosperous. I bought a house and a new car. Nevertheless, I was not happy at all. Every day I had to deal with complex human relationships and see people around me plotting amongst each other and guarding against each other. Living in this superficial and cold world, I felt confused and helpless. I was exhausted physically and mentally and became bad-tempered, which hurt both me and my family. I didn’t want that either, but I couldn’t control myself. Many times I called out in my heart, “Who can save me?”
One day, my cousin came to my house and preached God’s kingdom gospel to my family and me. After a period of time of being patiently watered by the sisters in the church, I came to know that Almighty God is the one true God who created the heavens and the earth and all that lies in between; He provides all things necessary for our survival; He arranges for us to be born into suitable families; He also guides our growth and plans out every phase of our journey. For the first time in decades, I knew that there is a God in the heavens and on earth, and that it is God who created me and provides for me; I felt God’s grandeur and was willing to believe in Him. However, due to social engagements, the temptation to gain reputation and wealth, and domestic trivialities, I had no time to read God’s words. I rushed about for the sake of money, and was ever more distant from God …
One night near dusk, when having dinner at a relative’s house, I suffered a sudden cerebral hemorrhage and was taken by ambulance to hospital. When I awoke, I found myself lying in the hospital. Looking around, I found that all the people there were terminally ill patients and that my body was wired up to a cardiograph. When I saw the waves on the monitor flowing continuously, my heart fluttered with fear and I had no idea what would happen next. One day, my breathing suddenly became quick and shallow, and the cardiograph started beeping abnormally, which broke the silence of the ICU. Frightened by this, I looked at the monitor and found the waves were undulating irregularly. I thought, “Am I dying? What should I do? Doctor, please help me! As long as you can save me, I don’t mind how much I have to spend.” However, I had no strength to call out, and could only look to the door. At that moment, a doctor rushed in to check on me. It turned out that one of the wires had come loose; it was a false alarm. Though the waves on the monitor were back to normal, the panic inside me not only didn’t vanish but increased with each passing day. I felt death was closing in on me, but I couldn’t escape from it; I could do nothing but wait helplessly for its coming.
Several days later, some deceased patients were wheeled out of the ICU by doctors, and then there came pathetic cries from outside the door. At that moment, I kept thinking, “Will I be the next one? Will I see my relatives again?” The more I thought, the more horrified I became. At that point, I couldn’t help but reflect on my life: In the past, I spent my time struggling for money and believed money could solve any problem. However, now that death was drawing near, I found that money and fame couldn’t stave off the coming of death, and that life is so fragile in front of death. I looked out of the window at the yellow leaves and thought, “Perhaps a gust of wind will blow these leaves from the tree, and then what awaits them?” Then, in that time of darkness and helplessness, I remembered a passage of God’s words I’d once read: “The Almighty has mercy on these people who have suffered deeply; at the same time, He is fed up with these people who lack consciousness, as He has had to wait too long for an answer from humanity. He wishes to seek, to seek your heart and your spirit, to bring you water and food and to awaken you, that you may no longer be thirsty and hungry. When you are weary and when you begin to feel something of the bleak desolation of this world, do not be lost, do not cry. Almighty God, the Watcher, will embrace your arrival at any time.”
From these words, I felt God’s mercy and pity toward us humans, which is so kind and true. It were as if God were beside me consoling me. My numb heart felt warm and gained the vitality of life. I thought of the days when I had struggled for money: Countless times I had failed and fallen; on countless occasions life had been a game and I had lived in ease; on countless occasions I had followed the evil trends of the world; countless times I had disobeyed God, shut the door on God’s salvation, and been subjected to Satan’s affliction and trickery. As a result, I suddenly got a serious disease and faced death. Nevertheless, God had not forsaken me. In my pain and helplessness, God’s words enlightened and guided me so that I didn’t fear death any longer, a gift that cannot be bought with money. When my wife came to see me, she recited a passage of God’s words to me: “Almighty God is an all-powerful physician! To dwell in sickness is to be sick, but to dwell in the spirit is to be well. So long as you still have one breath, God will not let you die.” God’s authoritative words gave me the confidence and courage to face the torture of my illness.
In the following days, I pondered God’s words while receiving treatment, and as I did so I took a turn for the better! The doctors said my recovery was a miracle. Looking at the astonished looks on their faces, I was full of gratitude and praise to God. Who can perform such a miracle except God? If not for God’s care and protection, maybe I would have died long ago. From this, I felt the extraordinary and great life force of God.
After returning home, I had mixed emotions. But I felt the value of life and treasured my second life given by God even more. Later on, the sisters and brothers came to see me and I resumed my church life. I read a passage of God’s words that say: “People spend their lives chasing after money and fame; they clutch at these straws, thinking they are their only means of support, as if by having them they could live on, exempt from death. But only when they are about to die do they realize how distant these things are from them, how weak they are in the face of death, how easily they shatter, how lonely and helpless they are, with nowhere to turn. They realize that life cannot be bought with money or fame, that no matter how wealthy a person may be, no matter how lofty their position, all are equally poor and insignificant in the face of death. They realize that money cannot buy life, that fame cannot erase death, that neither money nor fame can lengthen a person’s life by a single minute, a single second. The more people feel this way, the more they yearn to keep on living; the more people feel this way, the more they dread the approach of death.”
After reading these words, I finally came to my senses and realized that I had always held the wrong views on what to pursue. I regarded gaining money and fame as the only reliable things as well as my life goal: I rushed around after them and grew further and further apart from God. In this acquisitive world, I advocated acquiring money and tried to be an outstanding person. Finally I earned plenty of money and lived a better life, but when death came to me, the doctors couldn’t save my life, my relatives and friends couldn’t snatch me back from the hands of Satan, nor could money change anything. During my illness, though my flesh suffered, I appreciated God’s earnest intentions. If not for the disease, I would never have felt the preciousness of life, much less understood that pursuing money and fame is empty. It was truly God who saved and protected me!
Later, I saw more of God’s words: “Man, after all, is man, and the position and life of God cannot be replaced by any man. Mankind does not just require a fair society in which everyone is well-fed and is equal and free; what mankind needs is the salvation of God and His provision of life to them. Only when man receives God’s provision of life and His salvation can the needs, the yearning to explore, and the spiritual emptiness of man be resolved.” From God’s words I understood that money and fame cannot provide me with life, and that no matter how wealthy I am, how high my position is, and what enjoyments of the flesh I have, in the end I will feel nothing but emptiness and sorrow. That’s because what we humans require is God’s salvation and the supply of God’s words. At the time of my illness, it was God’s words that gave me faith, supported me and helped me to survive. Without the guidance and supply of God’s words, I would have had no path to take and would have waited for death in fear.
Holding the book of God’s words firmly, I looked out of the window and a lively scene came into sight. Only then did I realize that a new spring was coming. I felt as if I were a weather-beaten seed, just one of myriad living things, and praised God for bestowing on me a new life.
