By Jiexin, China
I wanted to change my fate by knowledge.
My father was a veteran cadre, who once worked as the chairman of the Farmers’ Cooperative, the head of a township, the village secretary, the representative of a school, and the production team leader. In short, he was constantly demoted just because he was poorly educated. During my school days, I heard from many people that a few of my father’s subordinates had become provincial-level or city-level cadres and that if my father had been cultured, he would at least have become a cadre of the same level as them. At that time, my father often lamented his biggest regret was that he hadn’t gone far in school and then told us: “Born in the countryside, only if you study hard can you rise above others, change your fates of face to the ground and back to the sky, and live a happy life. Remember, ‘The worth of other pursuits is small, the study of books excels them all’ and ‘Knowledge can change your fate.’ You two have to study hard and don’t let me down.” My mother also often exhorted my younger brother and me: “You must study hard. Look at your father. If he had been cultured, our family wouldn’t be so poor now. Only if you study hard will you have a better life.” Under the earnest teachings of my parents, I secretly made a resolution in my heart: “I must study hard and get into college in the future, so that I can find a decent job, breaking free from the hard life of face to the ground and back to the sky.” To this end, I studied very hard and always got good grades. However, during the high school entrance examination, my mind went completely blank because of nervousness and as a result, I failed the examination by only a few points. My dream about changing my fate by knowledge was shattered, which threw me into darkness. Every day I was immersed in depression as if I had lost my heart and soul, and it took a long time before I finally walked out of the shadow of my failure. But despite this, I was unwilling to give up, and was still dreaming of continuing my studies to change my hard lot.
Later, seeing that I was so desperate to continue my studies, my parents allowed me to study for another year. Cherishing this opportunity very much, I put more efforts into my study. But unfortunately, I goofed up the examination again the next year due to writing down the wrong register number. This time, I felt completely hopeless, thinking in my heart: “I have no chance to change my fate by knowledge. Maybe I could only live a hard life.” Completely disheartened, I gave up my study.
My wrong viewpoints brought afflictions to my children.
After getting married, I had two daughters, onto whom I projected my unrealized college dream. I instilled in them the so-called maxims of wisdom, “The worth of other pursuits is small, the study of books excels them all” and “Knowledge can change your fate.” To make them achieve good grades, I never failed to help them with their studies because of my busy work; regardless of what difficulties they met in study, I did everything possible to help them. As a result, their academic grades were always among the best in school.
When my elder daughter was in high school, I, despite knowing she was under great pressure, still didn’t loosen my requirements of her. My only wish was that she could get into a famous university nationally ranked in the top five, and have a good future. To avoid adding her mental pressure, I never said that she was inferior to others but often encouraged her and bought her some tonics. However, a few months before the gaokao (the college entrance examination), I always had a kind of uneasy feeling in my heart and worried that there would be something wrong with her examination, which would make my years of painstaking efforts in vain. But what I was afraid of came to us after all.
When choosing her university, my daughter wanted to apply to Fudan University but I, to enhance her chances of getting into a university, talked her into applying to Nanjing University. After her scores came out, my daughter said to me in tears: “When I finished my exam paper, my sweaty hand accidentally blurred the answer sheet and because of this I was docked over thirty points.” When I heard what she said, tears burst from my eyes. What’s worse, the admission score of Nanjing University went up because of the sharp increase of its applicants while the admission score of Fudan University actually declined, even lower than Nanjing University’s because of the decrease of its applicants. Although over thirty points were docked, my daughter’s total score still surpassed the admission score of Fudan University; but as a result of my interference, my daughter, failed to get into this famous university. Facing this cruel reality, I hated myself and was overwhelmed by remorse, “It was my fault. My daughter could have entered a better university and then have a good future and fate. But it was I who ruined my daughter’s prospects.” During that time, I always shed tears secretly and was unable to eat or sleep well, losing over 5 kg of weight in less than one month.
In sadness, I thought of one of my deskmates in school days. He got good scores in high school entrance examination and had good academic performances in high school, yet he took the gaokao three times in a row but each time ended up in failure; by contrast, one of his classmates, whose school records were usually not as good as his, actually succeeded on his first attempt. My nephew graduated from university, but failed to find a good job and even couldn’t support himself; yet a man in our village, who even didn’t know how to spell his name, actually could organize a group of people to work and easily make two or three hundred thousand yuan every year. Thinking of this, I couldn’t help but ask myself: “Could it be that the saying, ‘Knowledge can change your fate,’ is a fallacy? If not, why is that so many people with good caliber and excellent academic performances end up in failure while some illiterate people achieve great success?”
God’s words resolved the confusion in my heart.
Just when I lived in agony due to my daughter’s failure and couldn’t extricate myself, God’s salvation of the last days came upon me. One day, a sister came to me, and after learning about the reason of my pain, she brought out a book of God’s words and read to me: “From the moment you come crying into this world, you begin to perform your duty. You assume your role in the plan of God and in the ordination of God. You begin the journey of life. Whatever your background and whatever the journey ahead of you, none can escape the orchestration and arrangement that Heaven has in store, and none are in control of their destiny, for only He who rules over all things is capable of such work.” “The fate of man is controlled by the hands of God. You are incapable of controlling yourself: Despite always rushing and busying about for himself, man remains incapable of controlling himself. If you could know your own prospects, if you could control your own fate, would you still be a creature?”
Then the sister fellowshiped: “From the moment we were born, God had arranged our whole life. No matter how hard we strive, we cannot change our fate because we are just creatures in God’s hands.” From God’s words and the sister’s fellowship I knew this: Everyone’s fate is in God’s hands, and we are just small created beings. After we came into this world, we all perform our duty, assume our role in the plan of God, and cannot escape the sovereignty and arrangement of God. I couldn’t help but think of my father. He was constantly demoted because of a lack of education, which couldn’t be changed by himself; so he projected his hope onto my younger brother and me. Similarly, when I failed to realize my dream of changing my fate by knowledge, I also shifted this hope onto my daughters. Yet regardless of how desperate we were to change our fate by knowledge and how much price we paid, things backfired on us and we still failed to realize our dreams. Thinking back to all of these, I realized that all of our suffering was caused by our struggling against fate and not knowing God’s sovereignty.
Afterward, I read another passage of God’s words: “If mankind wishes to have a good fate, if a country wishes to have a good fate, then man must bow down to God in worship, repent and confess before God, or else the fate and destination of man will unavoidably end in catastrophe.” From God’s words I understood that if we want to have a good fate, we must come before God and worship Him. This is the only right way. If we blindly pursue to change our fate by knowledge and always want to cast off God’s sovereignty, then that will only bring more pain to ourselves. Realizing these, I made up my mind: I will believe in God with all my heart and entrust my daughters’ fates and mine to God’s hands, obeying His sovereignty and arrangement. Later, my younger daughter got into high school. In the past, once my daughters’ academic grades improved, I would be very happy and encourage them, yet once their grades declined, I would become very worried and then do everything I could to help them find the reason of regression, for fear that they would fail to get into a famous university. But now, I didn’t make requirements of my younger daughter according to my own standards. Sometimes, when she wanted to have fun instead of doing homework on weekends, I would let nature take its course and allow her to arrange her time freely, because I knew that her fate was controlled by God and couldn’t be changed by me. When I practiced like this, I felt very released and relaxed, tasting the sweetness of entrusting all things to God and letting God control them.
In the blink of an eye, the gaokao was approaching. I couldn’t help feeling nervous, fearing that my younger daughter would make a mistake at the crucial time as her sister did. Unwittingly, I lived in worry and anxiety again. Later, when recalling my last experience, I couldn’t help thinking, “I’ve had a bit of understanding of God’s sovereignty over human fate, but why do I still feel nervous and worried about my daughter’s exam?” To figure out the problem, I sought and prayed to God: “Oh God, from Your words I have known that it’s You who preside over the fate of all mankind and that my daughter’s fate is also in Your hands. However, I don’t know why I still can’t let go of my daughter’s studies. May You lead me to see through the essence of this issue and know Your will.” Later, I saw God’s words saying: “Everyone wants their children to go to a prestigious university and then pursue advanced studies, thinking that after getting degrees they’ll stand out from the crowd. This is because in their hearts, everyone worships knowledge, believing that ‘The worth of other pursuits is small, the study of books excels them all.’ On top of that, competition in modern society is particularly fierce, and without a degree you’re not even guaranteed to be able to put food on the table. This is how everyone thinks about it. That is, what you learn and what kind of educational background you can achieve will decide your livelihood, your future. In other words, people intend to rely on this thing to survive throughout life, and they see it as especially important. That’s why everyone sees receiving a high-level education and getting into a top university as the number one most important thing for their children. In reality, these things and education and knowledge accepted by people, these contents and ideas, all go against God and the truth, and are loathed by God and condemned by God. What is mankind’s point of view? They will not be able to survive and have a stable footing in this society and the world if they don’t have such things, and they will be inferior, poor, and base people. That is why, if someone doesn’t have knowledge, is uneducated, or does not have a high level of education in your eyes, you will despise them, look down on them, show contempt for them, and not take them seriously. If you let your children do this and nurture your children to do these things, your point of view and your motive are not right in the first place.”
Through God’s words I came to understand the reason. It was because I still clung to Satan’s philosophies of “The worth of other pursuits is small, the study of books excels them all” and “Knowledge can change your fate.” So I hoped that my daughter could rise above others and bring honor to our ancestors through learning knowledge and getting into college. These thoughts and views from Satan had been deeply rooted in my heart, so although I theoretically knew from God’s words that our fate is controlled by God and that the perspective of “Knowledge can change your fate” is a fallacy, I was still involuntarily influenced by those thoughts and views. So I felt worried and anxious about my younger daughter’s examination, and feared that she would make a mistake like her elder sister did before and thus fail to get into a good university; in that case, she wouldn’t get a good diploma or find a good job and would live a poor life. Realizing this, I truly saw that I was so deeply poisoned by those thoughts and views of Satan, and that living by them could only bring me worries and pain and even make me embark on the path of denying God’s sovereignty and rebelling against Him. Thank God for His guidance and leadership, which allowed me to emerge from the fog. I was willing to entrust my daughter’s future and fate to God’s hands, obeying His sovereignty and arrangement.
When I turned around my viewpoints and obeyed God, I lived a relaxed and free Life.
After I walked free from the confusion, I neither worried about whether or not my daughter did well in the exam, nor expected that she could change her fate by knowledge. Instead, I was willing to entrust all of this to God’s hands and obey His sovereignty. When I had such attitude, I no longer felt as anxious about my daughter’s examination as before, but instead I felt very calm inside. I knew this was the result that God’s words had achieved on me. Later, after the gaokao results were released, my daughter actually ranked first in the city and got into college successfully. This made me even more convinced of the fact that our fates are all in God’s hands.
Later, I also saw God’s words saying: “When one looks back upon the road one has walked, when one recollects every phase of one’s journey, one sees that at every step, whether one’s road was arduous or smooth, God was guiding one’s path, planning it out. It was God’s meticulous arrangements, His careful planning, that led one, unknowingly, to today. To be able to accept the Creator’s sovereignty, to receive His salvation—what great fortune that is!” Seeing God’s words and recalling the road I walked, I truly felt that regardless of whether it was a failure in my high school entrance examination or failure in my elder daughter’s gaokao, they were in God’s hands and were not something we could control or prevent. Although my elder daughter and I both had good academic grades, we failed to change our fate by knowledge. Our failures were powerful rebuttals to our wrong perspective of “Knowledge can change your fate.” I realized that only God presides over the fate of everyone and that knowledge can’t change our fates; the more we live by this view, the more we will be afflicted and bound by Satan, and the more miserable we would become. Only when we come before God, accept and obey His sovereignty can we live a relaxed and happy life.
Thank God. It’s God’s arrangement and sovereignty that allowed me to have these experiences, from which I gained practical appreciation and knowledge about God’s sovereignty, and saw clearly that knowledge cannot change our fates. I am willing to further experience, appreciate, and know God’s sovereignty, so that I can become a real creature and come under the Creator’s dominion. Amen!
