By Xiaocao
My daughter’s happy life evoked my memories.
One day, my son-in-law and daughter came to my home. When it was almost time to cook lunch, my son-in-law was going to buy food. He asked my daughter, “What do you feel like having for lunch?” My daughter answered, “Anything.” My son-in-law said, “Come with me?” My daughter said, “No.” Then my son-in-law held my daughter’s hands and said, “Come on. I don’t know what you want to eat.” Hearing this, my daughter went out with him.
As I watched them walk away, I sighed and thought: Such a loving young couple. In the past I opposed this marriage and always wanted to have the last say in my daughter’s marriage, but in the end I brought pain to both myself and my daughter …
My daughter found a poor partner, and we gave each other the silent treatment.
When my daughter was 19, she said to me, “Mom, a young man in our neighboring village courted me. Seeing he is a good man, I said yes. He told me that he would come to our home. I also want to let you and dad meet him.” I hastened to ask her, “What is the financial situation of his family? What does he look like?” She answered, “We’re just dating, so I don’t know. His family doesn’t seem wealthy. Maybe they have savings. Though now his family doesn’t have a new house, can’t they buy one in the future when we get married? Or it’s fine that they build one.” When I heard her say this, I thought: “After I married your dad, he was not only poor, but under serious external debt. In order to pay off his debt and build a house, we struggled for many years in society and had a very painful life. I must not let you tread the same path as me.” Afterward, I came to some acquaintances to inquire in a hurry. Only then did I know that in those years the father of my daughter’s partner had suffered a great loss in business and that they not only didn’t have savings, but had debts. I thought to myself, “If my daughter marries this poor boy, won’t she suffer hardships in the future?”
Later, I intentionally had a long face and said to my daughter, “I absolutely don’t consent to you dating this boy. I heard that his family not only doesn’t have savings, but has debts. No matter what, I can’t stand by and watch you jumping into the fiery pit!” But my daughter said resolutely, “His father is who his father is, and he is him. His father being incapable doesn’t represent that he is the same. Even if he is incapable I don’t care. As long as he treats me well, that’s enough!” Upon hearing this, I got anxious and said, “Anyhow, someone with money is better than someone without money. I’m doing this for your own good!” She said firmly, “I don’t need you to do this for my good. Leave me alone. In any case, I desire no one for husband before him.” When I saw how stubborn she was, I was very distressed: “I’ve said it so many times, why do you not listen? If you really marry your partner, won’t you suffer from hardship all your life like me? My silly daughter, why can’t you understand how I as your mother feel?” Seeing that my daughter didn’t listen to me, I didn’t allow her to go out to meet her partner. Then, with a long face, my daughter ignored me and didn’t eat. This caused me great suffering in my heart. As soon as I thought about how my daughter would live a poor life in the future, I would get upset.
After a period of time, my daughter finally brought her partner back home. I saw that not only was he poor, but he was not particular good looking. He was a little more than 1.7 meters in height, and was dark and thin. I thought, “You are a little ugly. Fine. But most importantly your family is pretty poor.” The moment I thought of his poor family, I would not regard him highly. That day, I was extremely upset yet had to force a smile. After he left, I said to my daughter, “Look at your partner. You are dating him, and for what? It’s fine that he is a little ugly. But most importantly, his family has neither a car nor a house.” My daughter said self-righteously, “I’m dating him for his being a good man and treating me well.” I said angrily, “Are you foolish? Now you haven’t married him and he is pursuing you, so how could he not treat you well? If you’re determined to marry him, in the future you will definitely suffer!”
But continuing on, I would never have expected that because of this matter my daughter gave me the silent treatment for nearly a year. I wanted to cry but the tears wouldn’t come, and I felt so upset. In helplessness, I prayed to God, “O God! I don’t approve of my daughter’s marriage to her partner, and this is for her own good. But why doesn’t she listen to me? God, what should I do? May You enlighten me.”
After recognizing God’s control in mankind’s marriages, I felt a great release in my heart.
Later, I read in the word of God, “Marriage is an important juncture in a person’s life. It is the product of a person’s fate and a crucial link in one’s fate; it is not founded on any person’s individual volition or preferences, and is not influenced by any external factors, but completely determined by the fates of the two parties, by the Creator’s arrangements and predeterminations for the fates of both members of the couple.” “A marriage is not the product of both members’ families, the circumstances in which they grew up, their appearances, their ages, their qualities, their talents, or any other factors; rather, it arises from a shared mission and a related fate. This is the origin of marriage, a product of human fate orchestrated and arranged by the Creator.” “Humans are not the masters of their own fate, yet they hope to change the fates of the younger generation; they are powerless to escape their own fates, yet they try to control those of their sons and daughters. Are they not overestimating themselves? Is this not human foolishness and ignorance?” God’s words allowed me to see that people’s marriages are dictated and arranged by God, and won’t change because of external factors such as money, status, the two partners’ appearances, thoughts and choices, and whether the two partners’ families are wealthy or poor. This is the “fate” that people often talk about, and is God’s predestination. It is something that no man can change. But I wanted my daughter to find a rich man because I myself found a husband who didn’t have money and thus I suffered a lot. And I even overestimated my abilities and wanted to control my daughter’s marriage so that she gave me the silent treatment for nearly a year and both of us lived in great pain. What kind of partner my daughter would find, whether he was capable, whether his family was well off, and whether their marriage would be happy were all under God’s sovereignty and arrangement, they were not up to me, so I should obey God’s sovereignty and arrangement.
With this in mind, I fell in front of God, “God, I have understood that my daughter’s marriage is under Your predestination. I believe that You have proper arrangements for my daughter. As for what kind of partner my daughter will find and whether he is poor or rich, I’m willing to obey and accept it.” After praying, I felt much more relaxed.
God’s words completely reversed my erroneous views on marriage.
In 2016, my daughter and her partner had gotten along very harmoniously for so long. But I still couldn’t stop myself from considering how great hardships my daughter would suffer if she married her partner. And I also thought, “If my daughter’s partner has a house and car when they get married, then after marriage my daughter just needs to earn money to cover daily expenses and enjoy life. That will be so wonderful!” I thought and thought, and I once again languished in pain. Therefore, I prayed to God, “O God! I’m not satisfied with my daughter finding a poor partner. I can’t help living in pain again. May You enlighten me and guide me to get out of this difficulty.”
Then I read these words of God, “‘Money makes the world go round’ is a philosophy of Satan, and it prevails among the whole of mankind, in every human society. You could say that it is a trend because it has been instilled in the heart of every single person. From the very beginning, people did not accept this saying, but then they gave it tacit acceptance when they came into contact with real life, and began to feel that these words were in fact true. Is this not a process of Satan corrupting man? Perhaps people do not understand this saying to the same degree, but everyone has different degrees of interpretation and acknowledgment of this saying based on things that have happened around them and on their own personal experiences. Is that not the case? Regardless of how much experience someone has with this saying, what is the negative effect that it can have on someone’s heart? Something is revealed through the human disposition of the people in this world, including each and every one of you. How is this thing that is revealed to be interpreted? It is the worship of money. Is it hard to remove this from someone’s heart? It is very hard! It seems that Satan’s corruption of man is deep indeed!” After reading God’s words, I came to realize that we humans have been corrupted deeply by Satan. We have been influenced by satanic thoughts such as “Money makes the world go round,” and “Money is first,” and thus greatly advocate money. Our perspectives on things are twisted and we use money to evaluate whether families and marriages are happy. After accepting these viewpoints, I began to use such standards to measure whether my daughter’s marriage was happy. I had always believed that only by looking for a rich partner could my daughter live in happiness and that, even if her partner didn’t have much money that was fine, but at least he needed to have a house and car, because only in this way could my daughter gain happiness after marriage. This was why whenever I thought about how my daughter would marry a poor man, I would live in confusion and pain.
Then I thought, “Regardless of whether around me, on television, in the media or in magazines I can see that, many women indeed lead wealthy lives after they married rich men, but their husbands indulge in eating, drinking and pleasure, keep mistresses, or have affairs outside. These women having constant quarrels with their husbands is a common occurrence, to the point that many of these couples have divorced. By contrast, although some families are not wealthy, husbands and wives can take care of and be considerate of each other and their lives are very happy. It seems that a wealthy marriage is not necessarily happy and a poor one is not necessarily painful. Thinking about it now, although the family of my daughter’s partner is poor somewhat, his humanity is acceptable and he treats my daughter well. It is such a man who is more reliable.” Only when I thought of this did I truly recognize that it was wrong that I used money to measure whether a marriage was happy.
After that, I read another passage of God’s words, “The tragedy of man is not that he seeks a happy life, not that he pursues fame and fortune or struggles against his own fate through the fog, but that after he has seen the Creator’s existence, after he has learned the fact that the Creator has sovereignty over human fate, he still cannot mend his ways, cannot pull his feet out of the mire, but hardens his heart and persists in his errors. He would rather keep thrashing in the mud, vying obstinately against the Creator’s sovereignty, resisting it until the bitter end, all without the slightest shred of contrition. It is only when he lies broken and bleeding that he at last decides to give up and turn back. This is true human sorrow.” Yes. Over these several years of following God, I just know and admit that God rules people’s fate, yet I have never accepted or obeyed God’s sovereignty and arrangements in my heart. When my daughter is really going to marry my son-in-law, I’m still concerned about her marriage because I’m controlled by the thoughts implanted in me by Satan, such as “Money is first,” and “Money isn’t everything, but without it, you can do nothing.” Even if I have read God’s words and understood that people’s marriages are in the hands of God, I still can’t obey God’s sovereignty and arrangements, and thus languish in pain.
Thinking of this, I once again fell down in front of God and prayed, “O God, my daughter has her own fate. I’m willing to entrust her marriage into Your hands. No matter whether her future life will be poor or rich, I will obey and accept Your predestination. Amen!” After praying, I felt very relieved.
I obeyed God’s sovereignty and my daughter’s marriage was very happy.
Later on, my daughter and son-in-law got married. After they got married, my daughter lived together with her parents-in-law and both of them treated her very well. One time, my daughter’s mother-in-law said to me, “Please don’t worry. I have no daughter in this life and I’ll treat your daughter like my own daughter.” Moreover, my son-in-law worked hard and could endure hardships, and thus their living conditions improved a lot. What gave me the greatest comfort was that my son-in-law showed my daughter much care and consideration. After he returned home from work, he would help my daughter take care of their child and do housework. All this allowed me to thank God from the bottom of my heart. It was God’s words that reversed my erroneous views on marriage.
At this time, my son-in-law and daughter came back happily and I also came back to reality. When we were eating, my son-in-law said to my daughter, “You like chicken legs, don’t you? Here you are!”
Seeing them having a loving relationship with each other made me understand that marriage is not for us parents to set limits about. We are creatures and can control neither our own marriages nor our children’s marriages. Obeying God’s orchestrations and arrangements is the only right thing. What God controls and arranges is for the best. My daughter can be happy and cheerful. This is all God’s blessing! Thank God!
